i have psychic powers. better be nice to me.

Chances are fairly good that I’ve been endowed with psychic abilities. I buy a lottery ticket once in a while, and it floors me every single time because I’m usually only about 30 or 40 off each time they call out a number. I might guess a “29” is about to appear and out pops a “3.” I mean, what are the chances that I’d be so close? Calm down, I’m not trying to brag. I’m just telling you that I’m special, and it’s a daily struggle just to keep a level head about it.

I’m also pretty good at other types of magical thinking. Sometimes, when I’m having a particularly bad day, I pat my television as I’m entering the den and will it to give me some sugar, baby. As I turn it on, I use my brain power to get what I want, and voila, like fucking magic, an episode of House Hunters appears on the screen. I told Harv about this special ability once. He said it wasn’t that special since House Hunters usually airs for hours each night, usually around the time I sit down to watch television. Of course it starts airing right around the time I start watching television, Harv. Do you not see the connection?

And to think I was going to use my powers to help him out during World of Warcraft.

I firmly believe that as long as my family never, ever lays around the house in their “outside clothes,” and they change immediately into their “inside clothes” as soon as they come home, no one is ever going to get sick. I know this to be true because the one time I woke up with a nasty bout of pink eye, I walked around the day before putting away groceries for almost 12 or 13 minutes in my “outside” jeans. Never again, friends, never again.

I’m aware that some people dub this sort of behavior as OCD or just plain strange, but it’s pretty clear to me that these are the folks without magical powers. Jealousy is an ugly beast.

Any quirky habits? Magical thinking rituals? Psychic powers?

image via blueq.com