This week: $100
This is important: If your husband is playing poker on a Friday night, and you decide to drive yourself to the ER because he works so hard all the time, and you want him to have a night off; make sure the note you leave for him is legible.
My note to Harv on top of his pillow:
I am headed to the local ER. Hives. Throat closing. Also, my cell phone is about to die.
I guess I smeared it because it ended up looking like this:
I am headed to the local ER. Hives. Throat closing. Also, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~about to die.
I think it was good for our marriage. He hasn’t said anything, but there’s a suspicious glint in the corner of his left eye which leads me to believe that he was very unhappy about my carelessness. Well, Harv, have it your way. See if there’s ANY note next time.
After 20+ vials of blood, four days in the ICU, another day in the Post Critical Care Unit, another day just to stop in and get IV meds, no one really knows what’s going on.
They do have a theory. And it’s this: I may be allergic to water. Not something in the water or that extra bump of crack I like to add to my pitcher of Kool-Aid during those hot summer days, but just….water. More likely, it actually IS something in the water, but wouldn’t that be cool? A water allergy? No? You’re right. The more I think about it, the more it seems a little “out there.” And I’m all about trying to be normal.
I have sores, bruises, scratches, scars, boils, and discoloration from scalp to sole. Also, there seems to be more hair on my knuckles, but I’m not lumping that in with anything just yet.
I have to keep it cool this week, but let’s get this low-laying, mostly-in-bed, four-different-kinds-of-medication party STARTED.
Friends, I’d love your ideas. I have $100 to spend. Frivolously.
- Perhaps that package of Nancy Kerrigan Trading Cards isn’t such a bad idea?
- My very own Snuggie?
- Separate-toe socks?
- White Chocolate Kit Kats? (Is that shit even forrealz?)
- Should I take up a new hobby? Preferably one that requires no skill or patience?
P.S. This is probably just the dope talking, but I’m a huge non-fan of linking to sites and products in the body of comments. Anything you think might be worth a look? Consider naming it, and I’ll do the “heavy lifting” by Googling it and shit. Thanks, y’all.
UPDATE: I am, or soon will be (within 3-5 business days), the proud new owner of an unopened pack of Nancy Kerrigan “My Diary” Trading Cards. They cost me approximately $1. This is what I call living, people.
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image via bluntcard.com
