I always turn to Harv when I need advice. Mostly because the advice is free, and it’s easy to track him down. Sometimes, when I call him during the day, he says he can’t talk to me because he’s “in a meeting.” I’m fairly certain he’s just trying to play hard-to-get, so I then text him every five minutes until he calls back in a huff. I’m assuming this is how a healthy marriage is supposed to work.
Harv: Wait. Are you asking ME what you should write in MY anniversary card?
Me: Yeah. I already have “Happy Anniversary!!!” and “I still probably love you” and “Thank you for still speaking to me after four years” written down, but it seems unfinished to me. Would you be happy with that?
Harv: I don’t…I don’t know.
It was pretty clear that Harv and his impossibly high standards weren’t going to be any help, so I went back to my desk to think.
I thought about apologizing for that one time I got extremely angry during a game of Scrabble because he wouldn’t agree that “pimpin” was a real word, and I “accidentally” pushed him in the head when I was “sleeping” that night. The sentiment seemed out of place. Plus, I still believe “pimpin” is a word, so it would have been an empty apology.
Dear Harv,
Happy Anniversary!!! I still probably love you. Thank you for still speaking to me after four years.
Thank you for loving me when I didn’t love myself.
Love always in all ways, Elizabeth
