12.18.12

Monday Dare (& Giveaway): Even at the age of 7, I was an asshole

special.png

(A Monday Dare on a TUESDAY? MY BAD. I’m finally on WORDPRESS, motherfuckers. How do you like the new blog design? Old comments are still transferring over, but don’t worry, I GOT THIS.)

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or to learn more about its origin.

This week: More contentment, more of the time

I find holiday gift exchanges daunting. Now that I’m thinking about it, let’s replace “daunting” with “mentally draining and traumatizing to the psyche.” White Elephant swaps require the most emotional preparation because I know I’m going to be opening up some bullshit that’s been rolling around in the bottom of a linen closet or a storm drain. Not only will I muster up an audible laugh to seem good-natured, but I’ll make some kind of gesture with my hand like a thumbs up or a gang sign to let people know I’m really embracing the silly side of the holiday season.

Even when the participants are supposed to bring “good” gifts, I always end up picking the one item in the communal pile that would make even Jesus cry. When will it be my year to take home the snowflake-shaped gylcerin soap set smelling faintly of pine and happiness instead of the rubber balls I’m supposed to hang off the bumper of a truck I don’t own? WHEN??

I try to temper my dissatisfaction and urge to acquire a whole new set of friends by thinking about Sophia.

The last time I saw Sophia, we were both 7. At the beginning of our second grade holiday party, all of the kids sat in a circle with the gift we brought for the exchange. Mrs. Tubb played a Christmas carol on her tape deck, and whatever was in our hands when the music stopped was ours. No swaps. No whining. I didn’t care who’s gift I got, but I didn’t want Sophia’s. She was the only one who had wrapped her box in newspaper. It was the Sunday Comics Section, but still, I just knew in my little asshole heart that it wasn’t going to be anything “good.”

While the other kids ripped open their gifts right there on the floor, I took my comic strip covered box back to my desk and peeled back one piece of tape at a time. Inside, I found a pair L.A. Gear leg warmers. Sophia walked over. “My grandma and I picked them out together. They’re so pretty.” When I didn’t respond, she went back to her desk and starting coloring with her gift, a brand new box of crayons. I heard her singing softly as I folded the leg warmers in half and stuffed them back into the box.

Sophia didn’t come back to Mrs. Tubb’s class after winter break. I never saw her again. I still wonder why she didn’t tell anyone she was moving. I wonder if she even knew herself.

My L.A. Gear leg warmers are still folded in half in my sock drawer. I think of Sophia often. I think about how content she was with her gift. I think about how some people are able to find joy in small everyday things. I think about how even now, at the age of 32, I could learn so much from that 7-year-old.

Sophia, you’re right. They are so pretty.

___

I FUCKING LOVE PRESENTS giveaway #5

I fucking love presents. Maybe you do too. To celebrate this holiday season, I’ll be doing a giveaway each week until the end of the year. Get connected on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page and on Instagram (username: flourishinprogress) for giveaway updates, not-posted-on-this-blog pictures, (t)hug life thoughts, and other random shit.

This week: Besotted Brand Custom Monogram Stamp

besotted2

 besotted

If I’m being real, I can’t even believe Tristan, the creative GENIUS behind Besotted Brand, agreed to be part of the holiday giveaways. Her custom stamps and paper products are some of my favorite things. I love fancy shit, and Besotted’s high quality everything makes it easy to give beautiful custom gifts to others…and to myself. Tristan will create one custom-designed monogram stamp for the lucky winner.

TO ENTER: Leave a comment below with a holiday gift exchange item you’ve given or received. (P.S. What do you think of the new blog design?) Only comments left on THIS POST qualify.

LAST WEEK’S TRILOGY WINNER: Steph (the first part of your email is SCYLE) Please email me at flourishinprogress at gmail dot com with your address.

first image via blueq.com, second and third images courtesy of Besotted Brand
December 18, 2012
12.04.12

Monday Dare (& Giveaway!): I see you on that Facebook Grind

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or to learn more about its origin.

This week: Put down the goddamn phone

Sometimes, I like to play “What Would You Save If Your House Were Burning Down And You Could Only Take Three Things And Don’t Say Your Heirloom Dining Room Table Cuz Ain’t No One Strong Enough To Carry A Goddamn Solid Oak Table” with my friends. I’ve overheard a few snickers and complaints about the length of the title, but I don’t let it get to me. Hateful words often stem from jealousy. Not everyone has a flair for Game Naming.

My mint-condition collection of Yo! MTV Raps trading cards were part of My Three until recently when I had all the good ones matted and framed. I’ll be the first to admit my physical limitations. My shoulder muscles aren’t developed enough to carry an extremely large Rap Shrine.

I’d save Cal’s baby book even though I stopped updating it when she was four months old because clearly, I’m just too lazy to do even one thing right for my only child. Whenever friends and family ask to see recent pictures of Cal, I just tell them to “Facebook that shit, motherfucker.”

I thought about saying some socially acceptable answers for my other items, but that’s not how our friendship works, and I honor that.

I would save my iPhone. Everyone always responds with three items, but I don’t need that many. When you’ve got a mostly empty baby book and your best friend, what more do you need?

Vincent (don’t even try to pretend that your phone doesn’t have a name too) and I have been through a lot. We recently took a trip to San Francisco together:

I saved this picture on my computer as BestBuddies.jpg. It probably would have been a much better shot if my three friends from the Ghetto Genius Crew weren’t crowded around us. Jay Wunder, the Ghetto Genius himself, wrote afterwards on his site:Flo-Rich was glued to her fucking phone Facebooking, Twittering and Instagramming so much that Anonymous pulled her ass to the side and said she was two posts away from a goddamn intervention. 

I made an effort to keep Vincent in my purse the next evening, but my hands weren’t used to being unoccupied. My ears weren’t used to the silence. The constant ding of emails and texts and tweets and notifications from Facebook and Instagram and Words with Friends and phone calls and weather alerts is what lets me know I’M ALIVE, BITCHES.

I slipped away and locked myself in a bathroom stall. Maybe I took too long, but I’m sure there are perfectly good explanations for being in a public restroom for 47 minutes, none of which I could think of when I heard a knock on the stall door: “I SEE YOU ON THAT FACEBOOK GRIND. PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE.”The first step is admitting I have a problem. That’s what I learned from my friend H-Bomb during my intervention inside the women’s restroom at O’Reilly’s

___
I FUCKING LOVE PRESENTS giveaway #3

I fucking love presents. Maybe you do too. To celebrate this holiday season, I’ll be doing a giveaway each week until the end of the year. Get connected on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page, on Instagram (username: flourishinprogress), and on Twitter (@ElizabethJLiu) for giveaway updates, (t)hug life thoughts, pictures, and other random shit.

This week: MNKR “Fuck the Fuckers” T-shirts Giveaway

I proudly wear this t-shirt in public all the time. Except when I have to go to PTA meetings. Then, I’ll throw a delicate cardigan over it, and all you can read is “UC H CKE.” Yesterday, I bumped into Kandace, one of the brains behind MNKR’s fierce line of apparel and accessories, and she generously offered TWO Fuck the Fuckers t-shirts (one women’s, one men’s) for this giveaway. Thanks, Kandace!

TO ENTER: Leave a comment below with the three things you would save if we were playing “What Would You Save If Your House Were Burning Down And You Could Only Take Three Things And Don’t Say Your Heirloom Dining Room Table Cuz Ain’t No One Strong Enough To Carry A Goddamn Solid Oak Table.” Only comments left on THIS POST qualify. I’ll announce a winner next Monday.LAST WEEK’S SKULL NECKLACE WINNER: Danielle with the numbers 0212 in your email address. Please email me at flourishinprogress at gmail dot com.

first image via pinterest
December 4, 2012