10.01.12

Monday Dare: Time management for idiots

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link if you’d like to see the complete list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: Set realistic daily goals. Learn to manage my time.

I never invested in a homework planner during my years as an unwilling participant in the public school system. I just kept assignments and deadlines in my head or on scraps of paper I found at the bottom of my never-clean backpack. This wasn’t a perfect system, but I had to make a difficult choice at the beginning of every school year- spend two or three dollars on a planner or use that money to buy one of those retractable 4-color ballpoint pens. With just a flick of my fingernail, I could switch from red to green. I’m stunned I even gave this any thought. Young Elizabeth was obviously very stupid.

Because of these early decisions to choose flair over function, I didn’t learn how to manage my time properly. While all the other kids were flipping open their planners and saying things like, “I can meet from 4:18 to 5:23 tonight to work on the cell model,” I just casually rooted through the margins of any stray papers laying next to me and replied, “Yeah, sure, I don’t got nothin’ written down it seems,” while focusing on how many color changes I could click through before jamming the barrel opening of my pen. I don’t want to brag or anything, but my record is 63 changes in 60 seconds. I might post a video later to show you.

I don’t record daily goals or appointments on scraps anymore. I’ve upgraded to note cards. Each day gets its own note card. I just write a bunch of shit on each card without taking into account the priority of each item or the duration of time it might take to complete the task.

At the end of each day, I feel like a failure because I never get through my entire To-Do list. My solution is to transfer everything I didn’t accomplish that day to the next day’s card. Around 9:57 every evening, I can be found hunched over my desk, editing my note cards and saying FUCK THIS SHIT loudly, over and over again.

I looked into getting one of those fancy Franklin Covey planners recently and decided against it. I drove down to a Franklin Covey store and learned a few things. 1. Those bitches are really expensive. 2. They are called “planning systems,” and you can’t just go in there and buy a planner. You “get” to customize a “planning system” binder to “suit your needs.” 3. Those bitches are really expensive. 4. Those bitches are really expensive.

Things hit rock bottom last night when Cal walked into my office with a stern-but-in-a-gentle-way expression.

Cal: Mommy, we need to have a talk.

Me: About? (Please Jesus, don’t let it be about boys, sex, drugs, or why her slice of pie is missing.)

Cal: Your time management skills. You don’t have any.

Me: Do you want to talk about boys instead?

Cal: PAY ATTENTION. For the next three days, I want you to write down how you spend every minute of your day. When I get home from my field trip, we can talk about setting realistic goals and how you’re wasting your time.

Me: Are you trying to punish me for something?

Because I’m an excellent parent, I will be following my daughter’s request for the next three days and writing down exactly how I spend my time. On a note card. Perhaps she’ll reveal some gems later this week. I will buy her a 4-color pen as a “thank you.”

Best time management tips? Do you use a planner? Paper or digital?

P.S. I’m sorry I’ve been such an asshole about replying to your blog comments lately. September was a crazy month, and I, um, had some time management issues. I’ll be going through this week and responding. Thanks for taking the time to leave comments. I know it’s an extra step to do it, and I really appreciate you for it. They are a motherfucking joy to read.

P.P.S. Stacy W., Natalie Figueira, and Elizabeth Barnes, please email me at flourishinprogress at gmail dot com with your mailing address so I can send you Gretchen Rubin’s Happier at Home.

P.P.P.S. I’m part of the Expressing Motherhood show in Los Angeles. Four shows down, four to go! If you live in the area, come by. Please email me to let me know, because I’d love to buy you a glass of wine and bore you with my awkward conversation skills. Stay in the loop by “Liking” the Flourish in Progress Facebook page for pictures/updates/thug life thoughts on the show.
image via friendsoftype.com

October 1, 2012
09.10.12

Monday Dare: Embracing (t)hug life: Part hood. Part good.

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link if you’d like to see the complete list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: Less hood. More good.

It’s a little disconcerting to me that I still haven’t gotten a handle on this whole parenting business. I’m not even talking about the really hard dilemmas like “teaching your kid that violence isn’t the answer” or “getting them to school on time every goddamn day.” I’ve got those covered. Mostly. Well, maybe “mostly” is overshooting, so I’m just going to downgrade it to “sometimes.”

Only “sometimes,” because if I’m being honest, violence feels awfully rich and satisfying when used at the right moments. I don’t know about you, but the High Road is a lonely barren place filled with potholes and those sticky burrs that cling to your socks and won’t come the fuck off. The Low Road is lush and green and heavily populated by lots of interesting characters. I like people watching. Sue me.

I’ve gotten pretty good about making sure Cal gets to school on time. I still don’t understand why children have to go to school five days a week though. What is there to learn? Once you get all the important lessons out of the way like “Don’t smoke crack,” “Always have an extra $20 in your sock in case shit goes down and your backpack gets stolen,” and “Don’t put mentos in a 2-liter bottle of Diet Coke,” the rest seems a little superfluous. Nice to know, but not essential for day-to-day living.

Also, I tell Cal to read a lot of thick books because when someone asks me a question I don’t understand, and I can’t be bothered to say “Come again?” I just quote a famous dead person. Then, the other person is confused, and I’m off the hook from answering. You can use this tip too if you want. I try not to be selfish with the valuable gems I’ve uncovered.

I think Cal has harbored suspicions for a while that her mother may not be, uh, what’s the nicest way to say this… sane  responsible  normal perfect. I can’t be sure, but it may have something to do with those times I made her eat oatmeal for breakfast while I ate a generous handful of Funyuns. Or that one time I interrupted Harv in the middle of a conference call to ask, “Do you think Tupac and Dre had real beef, or is it just cuz Dre didn’t go to Snoop’s trial?” (By the way, Harv didn’t know the answer, so I’ve pretty much dismissed him as useless, and he won’t be privy to my hip-hop questions anymore.)

Perhaps it happened over the weekend, when I tried to convince Cal that (t)hug life was an excellent choice for my 7th tattoo. She said, “Stop.” Now that I’m replaying it in my head, I don’t even think “stop” is a valid answer choice.

I wrote it out for her in case she didn’t get the significance of the parentheses. “I’m not all thug, Cal. I’m part hood, part good.”

But she still said it wasn’t a good idea, something I would regret when I’m older and wiser. I don’t want to accuse my own kid or anything, but maybe she just steered me away so she could use my idea herself. I ended up getting a different phrase tattooed on my arm (posted on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page).

I’m going to be less hood and more good this week, more of a traditional, normal mom. Whatever the fuck that means.

Are you an out-of-the-box parent? Did you have traditional or non-traditional parents?

P.S. Big ups to y’all for the wonderful interview suggestions as I embark on yet another yearlong project. Everyone who commented was entered into the giveaway for the mass of goodies BlueQ sent my way. Janette Romero and Leanne Koh, please email me your mailing address at flourishinprogress at gmail dot com.

P.P.S. If you’d like to feel smarter than at least one person every single day, then let’s get connected on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page. I can make that happen for you.

image via blueq.com

September 10, 2012