01.09.12

Monday Dare: 1/10/02

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. You can click on the link if you’d like to see the complete list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: Keep moving forward. 

At the age of 21, I made two decisions that profoundly impacted my life. One, I committed to stop living on welfare. And two, I decided to move to California.

I saved enough money for two airplane tickets by pushing fancy lotions and sprays at Crabtree & Evelyn. Since proper luggage would eat up most of the $300 I had left, I bought two plastic tubs at Target, crammed them full of clothing and blankets, and wrapped them securely with bungee cords. BAM. Homettes gittin’ creative. 

When we arrived in Los Angeles, I used one tub as a desk, and Cal used the other as a makeshift playhouse. Please don’t give me shit about letting my kid play in a plastic tub. I removed the lid, laid it on its side, and used a Sharpie to draw two windows and a door. Oh, and a sun. I think *that* gave it a little “something extra.” BAM. Homettes gittin’ creative. 

We had no couch, no real bed, and no dining table. Just a pile of blankets we unfolded every night as our bed, my makeshift desk, and a breakfast tray I pulled out for meals.

The first piece of furniture I proudly purchased was a small dresser from IKEA. I didn’t own any tools, so I used the handle of a hairbrush as a hammer and a nail file as my screwdriver. BAM. Homettes gittin’ creative. 

Lacking marketable skills, my two employment opportunities came down to selling more lotions and potions at a local beauty emporium for minimum wage or stripping. I chose the former option, but I would be lying to you if I didn’t admit that I gave the second option some serious thought.

At each turn, I thought to myself, “This just isn’t the right time. I should be better prepared. I’ll wait. I’ll wait.” I wanted to wait to get off welfare. I wanted to wait to move to California. But I didn’t. Instead, I just kept pushing forward. And I’m glad I did. During a few especially rough weeks, I thought about applying for public assistance again. Once, I got as far as locating a welfare office and gathering all the necessary documents to apply. In the end, I decided I’d rather be hungry and independent, than slightly less hungry and dependent.

Tomorrow is the 10-year anniversary of my move to Los Angeles. This city has loved me and hated me and coddled me and pushed me the fuck around. I’m using this week to reassess, prioritize, and keep moving forward.

What I realize now is that there is never a perfect time, never a “right” time to do anything. You just have to keep moving forward. It can be incredibly scary at times, because the trail you blaze for yourself is often dimly lit and full of things that go bump in the night. Sometimes, you get to where you think you wanted to go and fuck shit damn, it’s not where you wanted to be. That’s okay. Keep moving forward.

What’s the biggest risk you’ve taken?

P.S. THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of the kind words on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page during The Moment Giveaway. Christopher Fan, Carla Smith Pearson, and Kristine Kastner Santiago, please email me at flourishinprogress at gmail dot com with your mailing address.
image via pinterest

January 9, 2012
01.02.12

Monday Dare: Check yourself before you wreck yourself

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. You can click on the link if you’d like to see the complete list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: Stop. Reverse.

I only made one New Year’s Resolution. I promised myself that whatever happened, I would stay out of jail. I shared this at the dinner table last night, and no one seemed very impressed. In haste, I added another resolution: I promised not to die this year.

That didn’t seem to strike reverence in anyone either, so I just gave up. Because really, if you’re going to do hard things like not be incarcerated and stay breathing for a whole fucking year and no one gives you a pat on the back, then you should just stop trying to impress the crowd.

To show up these hard-ass people I call my family, I’ve decided to add a third rule just for kicks:

Remember that I always have a choice. 

Sounds simple, yes? Sure, to normal people, this might have occurred to them somewhere between the ages of 5 and 6, but this was earth-shattering news to me when I heard it a while back.

I was stuffing my face with chocolate cake from Kentucky Fried Chicken that I got for the extraordinarily low price of only $2.99. A whole goddamn chocolate cake for $2.99, y’all! As I was helping myself to a third generous slice, I said to my friend, Kate, that this seemed wrong somehow. Wouldn’t the ingredients alone cost $2.99? Could they have replaced the premium flour with really low-grade crack cocaine that didn’t pass the drug dealer’s quality check inspection? She said simply:

You can stop now. You always have a choice.

Was this girl crazy? A whole goddamn chocolate cake for $2.99! I must eat it! I must fi…ni…sh……

Coming out of my unfortunate sugar coma, I found Kate standing next to me, about to pin a homemade sign to my shirt. She had painstakingly written it backwards so that when I looked in the mirror, I could read it with ease:

Stop being stupid. You always have a choice.

She wasn’t just talking about the cake. (Did I mention that it only cost $2.99?) I am all about bad decisions. Man who lies about having kids? Yes, I’ll date you! Move into a home with a cockroach infestation? Sure! As long as rent’s cheap! Apply for a job that requires hand-eye coordination? Fuck yeah, I don’t mind losing a limb! People who have known me for a long time accuse me of making poor choices just to punish myself. These friends may not be wrong.

This week, and every week for the rest of the year, I’ll remind myself of this one very important thing. And friends- I don’t dare give you advice, seeing as how I’m a very underdeveloped person myself, but please, please remember that you always have a choice. You aren’t bound by the decisions you’ve made in the past. And if you ever come to a crossroads and you need a listening ear, drop me a line. Whatever advice I give you, just do the exact opposite.

What’s the best advice a friend has ever given you?
Stupid decisions you’ve overcome?

P.S. We would all do well to remember this:

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first image from Beth Dobbs’ Barbie Murders series

January 2, 2012