08.01.13

Ain’t nobody fresher than my muthafuckin clique

keepyahead
Hitting people became a “necessary” tool because I couldn’t string together six words to form pithy and biting comebacks. The right response usually manifested 45 minutes too late so I did a lot of smacking back in the day to compensate. The privilege of growing older has brought clarity. Not wisdom, just clarity. I still lack the ability to understand the gravity of a moment as it is happening.

After years of going through weird shit, my head no longer allows my heart to feel grief. This coping mechanism turns my insides blank. I’m familiar with every dark corner when I stumble into Rage. The doorman and I have become pretty friendly at Happiness, so I kick it there as much as I can because he lets me in without all the posturing I had to do as an infrequent visitor.

Grief is, like, way on the other side of town. Fuck that shit. I ain’t got that kind of time.

Then, someone asked me, “Where would you go if you got into trouble?”

I didn’t understand the question. My first thought was “jail,” but that probably wasn’t what he was asking. Plus, I would do my best to avoid incarceration by running away from home and deleting my Instagram account so I wouldn’t accidentally give away identifying details that I was hiding in Dalworthington Gardens, Texas.

“I mean, if every single thing in your life fell apart, where would you go? Most people could just go back to their parents’ home and start over. Take some time to recuperate. But you don’t really have that.”

“Yeah, I don’t really have a home to go back to. I couldn’t just act like someone’s child for a while.” I understood the question. I did not understand the gravity. I felt blank as I said it.

I thought about this exchange as I unballed dirty socks several days later.

My childhood family, while broken, has given me a mother that loves and mostly accepts me, even if she can’t take care of me anymore. When Harv adopted Cal several years ago, I realized that where we start is our biology and the road we travel is our biography.

A happy family now is enough. This my biography. I don’t need refuge anywhere because I am a grown-up and I am a mother. Mothers don’t get to be children too. 

I…really, really wish my childhood belongings weren’t locked away in a storage unit. I wish I could go back home again. 

When I let the full size of that truth unfurl inside, it filled my chest and neck and cheeks and came out of my eyes and nose and mouth. I just sat down on the floor in front of the washing machine and let myself cry about this thing that I didn’t even know I wanted, but then felt undone after realizing it would never be mine.

It bit into me so hard. The grief I had carefully sealed shut for twenty years tumbled out, and it was messy. For-fucking-reals messy.

I’ve been spending a lot of time inside Grief- eating meals by myself, making my bed on its hard floor, playing a little (shit, fine, a LOT) of Candy Crush. I’m allowing myself not to be happy for just a little bit. And I’m also giving myself a free pass not to feel guilty about it.

I know that grieving will not fix any of my broken past, but it will allow me to appreciate the family I have now…my clique. My ride or dies. My heart.

Ain’t nobody fresher than my muthafuckin clique. :)
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For updates on my Quest to be the Candy Crush Champion of the Whole Entire World and some other stuff that’s not as important, “like” the Flourish in Progress Facebook page. Also, I’m on Instagram (username: flourishinprogress). I don’t post pictures of me crying in front of the laundry machine or anything. I SWEAR TO GOD.

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August 1, 2013
07.17.13

Hustle Hard Interview Project: DJ Jace One

HHpost

JaceOne
To celebrate my 32nd birthday, I started the Hustle Hard Interview Project. Each month for the next year, I’ll be interviewing one Hustler who embodies a skill or a quality I admire. I hope to uncover some gems that bring me one step closer to being a fully-formed adult.

#10: CONSIGLIERE OF FRESH BEATS

Music has always ruled my life. I spent an entire day organizing my mother’s prized Tupperware collection in elementary school to earn enough money to buy my first Tupac album. When Snoop’s Doggystyle came out, I couldn’t force myself to work the plastic container grind again, so I “borrowed it for an extended period of time” from my friend Gina. I managed to make my own copy by positioning one tape player next to another and hitting “play” on one device and “record” on another. iTunes claims that I’ve listened to Bassnectar’s “Timestretch” (West Coast Lo Fi Remix) 900 times. In two years.

Since the summer of 2011, I’ve made over 40 trips to Las Vegas (several lasting only 12 hours) to watch some of the best DJs in the world. The city is overflowing with talent, so it’s really no place for anyone without a distinct style or sound. That’s not a problem for DJ and producer, Jace One.

Nominated as Best Big Room DJ in 2012 and Best Pool DJ in 2011, his fresh sets have turned up the bumping and grinding for clubgoers at Hakkasan (MGM), Marquee (Cosmopolitan), Surrender (Encore), Hyde (Bellagio), and poolside at Encore Beach Club (Encore).

EJL: Thousands of people come to LA each year to pursue their dreams in entertainment, but it’s hard to be noteworthy and special and hustle long enough for people to take notice. I’m sure the same is true for Las Vegas. How did you turn your hobby into a career? How does someone live the life of their dreams?

JO: I had no hook-ups when I moved to Vegas. Friends who had already made the move gave me some great advice, but the rest of it happened because I didn’t give up. I woke up one day and knew that I had to do this. A friend and his girl were flying out to Vegas for the weekend, and even though I didn’t have a lot of money, I decided to join them and use that trip to hustle.

I literally walked into every club and venue, trying to figure out the right person to talk to. There were a few spots that kicked me out. On the third and final day, I was down to my last press kit from the 50 or 60 I had made, and my friend suggested I bring it to lunch at Mandalay Bay. As we walked by Rum Jungle, I decided to give it one last shot. One of the guys happened to know who I was from a band I was in back in L.A., and invited me to audition that Wednesday.

EJL: So you went in during the day to audition?

JO: No, they put you in when it’s a full club! There were 4 or 5 other DJs auditioning that night, and each of us got half an hour. That audition got me a 4-hour shift headlining in a primetime set. I was at the right place at the right time. And I was prepared.

EJL: If you can make it in Vegas as a DJ, you can make it anywhere, amirite? How did you go about building your career here?

JO: You have to paint a picture of who you are as a DJ- your own sound, style, and stage presence. Putting in the time to master your craft- how you mix, keeping up with what’s new, and staying really pure to yourself and your style. It’s easy to jump on what’s hot, hoping to get the same notoriety, but in the end, the DJs who have been really successful have their own sound.

EJL: One of my best friends, Jessica, lived in Las Vegas until a few months ago. The stories I hear from her day-to-day life coupled with my own experiences here make me think that it’s hard for any grinder in any pursuit not to get distracted. How do you keep your focus?

JO: I hear those stories every day too. Everything is available at any time of the day and so many things happen in this city. It helped me to define my purpose. By staying within that scope, I had a better chance of remaining grounded and not losing sight of why I’m here.

EJL: Do you think having a family  has motivated you to hustle harder?

JO: I don’t think I would have pursued this life as hard if I didn’t have my three girls. As a dad, I knew I had to be successful because being lazy or failing wasn’t an option for me. Children are very intelligent. I don’t hide anything from them, and I share my struggles. They absorb what they see and the girls know that they need to believe in themselves because, in the end, no one does the hard work for you.

EJL: If you could give one piece of advice to someone pursuing their passion, what would it be?

JO: Never give up. You have to believe that you’re great at what you do no matter what. Don’t listen to the people who tell you that you suck. There’s always room to be better. It’s easy to say, “I’ve had enough. This hurts way too much. It’s too frustrating. I’m done.” Don’t make giving up an option. I truly believe that it’s supposed to be hard, but if you continue to be good, everything’s going to be just fine.

Damn, Jace One, PREACH.

Want fresh beats? Check out DJ Jace One on Podmatic and SoundCloud.

P.S. For (t)hug life thoughts and other randomness, follow along on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page. For not-seen-on-this-blog pictures, follow along on Instagram (username: flourishinprogress). You will probably not be sorry.

Image courtesy of Fred Morledge

July 17, 2013